Breaking News … Snyder smashes swim standard


COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — With no warm-up other than a cold shower, Charlie Snyder continued to show why he’s the man and all other recreational, over-40, overweight lap swimmers are just pretenders with a record-breaking, lunch-time effort at the Downtown YMCA Aquatic Center.

Snyder swam the 2000-yard freestyle in 36:05, besting his old personal best of 36:23. Sharing a lane with a dude swimming the sidestroke, Snyder started out slow and managed to maintain that slow, steady pace throughout; up until the final 25 yards, when he bravely attempted to go faster.

On deck observers were amazed by the final 25 kick, turnover, and distance per stroke, which left all in attendance wondering, “Why didn’t he try that earlier?”

Staying true to the standards set by all of the great aquatic stars, Snyder will not make himself available for comment to the media until about 9 p.m. tonight or approximately five hours after all media outlet deadlines have come and gone.

About Charlie Snyder
Charlie Snyder will be taking his six-year-old son, Sam, to a restaurant that serves alcohol tonight … perhaps Wahoo’s Fish Tacos. A much deserved treat after spending two hours cleaning the house last night. You see, Rose has a bunch of friends coming over tonight to cackle over whatever it is women cackle about when they get together. So naturally, Rose wanted the house to look nice, so she hired a firm to come and clean our house. Which makes total sense because if your friends see your house messy then, of course, they’ll drop you as a friend and you don’t want that. So you hire a company to clean your house, but obviously, if you don’t want your friends to see your house messy, clearly, you’re not going to want to have complete strangers seeing your house messy. So the whole family made the whole house spic-and-span, sparkling clean, prior to the maid service arrival this morning. The Snyder’s currently reside in Colorado Springs.


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