Saturday night …
I went to my local sports bar one Saturday to get a bite to eat, maybe have a few beers, and relax after a day of yard work.
My bartender Jason introduces himself, extends his hand in friendship, and informs me that he makes a mean Long Island Tea.
“Is that what they’re having?” I ask, referring to the two yahoos seating a stool away, who were screaming their heads off after every play of whatever game was on the big screen.
Jason says yes.
“All right, make me one of those.”
Across the way, I notice another table of fans, screaming after every play.
I’m thinking, “What a bunch of idiots.”
Then I notice something I should have noticed before.
Tennessee was playing Auburn … which elicits an instant response in my thick cranium … “I hate those guys.”
Moments later, I have another revelation … “This Long Island Tea sure is tasty.”
Then, one of the toothless wonders from two stools down leans over and introduces himself, asks me what team I support.
I say simply, “Gators,” anticipating that I might have to get medieval on his sorry ass.
Toothless one explains that he’s from North Carolina and he’s cheering for Tennessee and his friend, toothless two, well, he’s from Alabama and, of course, is cheering for Auburn.
“Say mister, which team do you want to see win this game, Tennessee or Auburn.”
Now the toothless Tennessee fan from North Carolina had been very friendly, so I take my time thinking about his question. I thought he deserved an honest answer.
“Well, actually, I’d kinda like to see both of them lose.”
You would have thought I had offered to slop his hogs for him. He thought that was high-larious and told his Auburn buddy and Jason what I had said.
“Jason, I believe I will have another’n,” I said, either in a slightly slurred mispronunciation or a semi-Southern colloquial-ized version of ‘another one.’
Jason starts fixing another round of Long Island Teas for me and the boys.